THE REAL FORKS: Mafia connections

By Christy Long — err Rasmussen-Ford


So my Gram belongs to a local organization here in town. No, it’s not the NRA, but I wouldn’t be surprised if she secretly belonged to that as well.


Don’t be fooled by her crocheting, bake-saleing, sweet lady exterior … she’s a firecracker.


Don’t believe me? Get caught lying about “staying at a friends” when you’re in high school. Then you’ll see that sweet lady business is just a front.


She has belonged to the Emblem Club since way before I was born.


Ever since I can remember, I have helped her at Emblem functions.


My earliest memories are helping with the concession stand for bingo when I was 5. Way to encourage underage gambling, Gram.


See, she’s not so innocent after all.


I then went on to help with bake sales, dinners that the Emblem catered, food drives they held, etc.


Eventually during my senior year, the Emblem Club awarded me their annual scholarship. Obviously this was because of all of my volunteering. The club would have crumbled without me stacking pop cans at the concessions and taking coats at functions.


When I decided to join, there had to be a vote to let me in.


It was unanimous except for that one lady who hasn’t been seen since.


Gram may or may not be the head of the secret Emblem Club *cough* mafia. It pays to have connections.


Still, I then had to be initiated. This was just ridiculous since I have practically been a member since I was 5.


Nonetheless, I went along for the sake of tradition.


During initiation, my gram was the one who introduced the new members. She said to all of us that she might not remember our names so we might have to remind her when she got to that point.


I said that I sure as heck hoped she remembered my name by now … since I’ve been her granddaughter for 28 years now.


We all had a good laugh. Then it came turn for her to say my name.


She introduced me as her granddaughter, “Christy Long.”


Say what?!?!?


If you notice my name up there by my picture, it doesn’t say anything about my last name being Long.


I could see if she called me by my maiden name, but Long has never been my last name. It is however, the last name of a few of my cousins.


It became very clear right then and there who was the favorite grandchild … and it obviously isn’t me.


The woman can barely remember my name.


I think I am now officially a member of the Emblem Club, but I’m not quite positive as my gram technically initiated someone named Christy Long.


I can only pretend for so long that Long is my last name before someone asks for ID.


Then, I’m out just like that.


The Emblem Club doesn’t take fraud lightly … unless you’re juiced in with the Emblem Club *cough* mafia.


I’ll probably be OK …

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