COPS Spotlight Forks

Cops photo - COPS
Cops photo
— image credit: COPS

COPS Spotlights Forks!by Christy Rasmussen

Forks Outfitters … or Thriftyway … or Thriftmart … or The Store, I’m not sure what the official name is anymore. Everyone calls it something different. Anyway, that big store on the south end of town is home to the sweatshirts with the very complex design of “FORKS” written on the front. A few sweatshirts were made to go even a step further and said, “Forks, WA” on the front!Don’t let the complicated nature of these shirts fool you, they were hot items during our Twilight times! I don’t do the books for this business (if I did, I would know the correct name), but I know they had to make quite the profit off this item. I think roughly half the population of the world bought a “FORKS” sweatshirt. I saw people wearing them in airports around the country and especially all over Pittsburgh. Everywhere I went, I was reminded of my hometown.Yet, somehow I was still shocked by my latest sighting of a “FORKS” sweatshirt.Imagine this, you’re sitting at your computer, working on your next masterpiece. Well, the word “next” infers that you’ve had a previous masterpiece. Let’s start over with that.Imagine this, you’re sitting at your computer, working on something you hope at least one person beside your grandma will read. You pause to take a small break and stretch. You look over at the television, which has been on for background noise. "COPS" is currently on. Why is "COPS" on? I don’t know, but two classy ladies are physically fighting over Mr. Wonderful (I’m sure). You know how it went; “He’s my man!” “No, he’s my man!”Suddenly, the fight stops and the camera does a close-up of one of the ladies. She is wearing a sweatshirt that says, “FORKS, WA.”WHAT?! Forks made it onto "COPS"?!!Yes! But not in the way that any of us ever dreamed unfortunately. No pit party was busted. No one was pulled over for driving their riding lawnmower through town. Nobody was arrested for going 55 around Robin Hood Loop because the stop sign was removed … because no one stopped anyway.Nothing good like that. It was our very own sweatshirts on display instead … modeled by a very classy lady nonetheless. Woohoo for appearing on television again … without Jeff Burnside’s help! Can you say free publicity?! Hey, bad publicity is still publicity! And who doesn’t love the word “free”?! Win-win for everyone, except maybe whoever “won” Mr. Wonderful on that episode of "COPS." That lady was not a winner.Now the only thing left to do is somehow spread the word that the girl who appeared on "COPS" got her fabulous clothing from our very own store. First though, we must all agree on the official name of the store in question! We can’t all be calling it something different. I’m going to throw out the idea of Christymart or Christimart. Whichever.

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