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No ice cream for you!
As most of you may know, Sterling Bank recently switched to Umpqua Bank. What you may not know is that nobody asked my permission before this change. Obviously you're thinking, "Wow! This column has really gone to her head!"
No. Well yes, but that's not the case here. They should have asked my permission because I have single-handedly kept this bank afloat for about 10 years now! Again, I don't say this because I'm full of myself but because the bank wouldn't have survived without the millions I've paid out in overdraft fees.I'm certain that I've donated enough in fees to pay all salaries of Sterling employees including the CEOs, bonuses and all.
This isn't because Sterling (Umpqua) is a shady bank that charges fees for everything but rather because my 6-year-old could do a better job of managing money than I do. And this is the same 6-year-old who thinks that two $1 bills are worth more than one $100 bill.Even though I wasn't impressed with their obvious lack of gratefulness toward my charitable donations via overdraft fees (I wonder if I could claim overdraft fees on my taxes?), I was willing to give these new changes a chance. I'm not going to lie though, I have expressed my dislike of the new name. Umpqua?
The fabulous tellers at the bank tried to reassure me by saying it was like Umpqua Ice Cream. However, when I inquired more, I found out that this delicious ice cream company was a completely different business … meaning no free ice cream for every overdraft fee! Rude! Just when I thought I would have to switch banks over all these negative changes, Umpqua tried to bribe me with free cake!
As if I'm that easily swayed. I couldn't believe that these people who I had come to love like my own family actually thought so little of me that they assumed I would stay for a mere piece of free cake! They were right. I did indeed stay for the cake. This was only because they said the cake would regularly be offered.
Without Umpqua Ice Cream though unfortunately. I kid. I love that bank and the wonderful workers who enable my laziness by filling out deposit/withdrawal slips for me when they see me coming in.
It's nice! Stop in sometime to check out the new look … and grab some cake. But BYOIC (bring your own ice cream). Steve update of the week (to keep him in the news); Steve has been wearing pants around Forks … and shirts!!!
To reach Christy, follow the free cake. Or e-mail her at firstname.lastname@example.org.