Dear Human (Editor),
Thanks for being my best friend. I can’t imagine my life without you being there. You bring me treats and toys and give me food that I like! You throw the ball for me, pull on the sock and take me for walks — I really don’t mind that you can’t keep up.
We take rides together and that’s the best, well, except for sleeping on the bed at night, that the best, too.
You seem really smart. You know the places I like scratched and somehow knew it was me that pooped on the rug that one time, heck you weren’t even home! And that garbage bag that ripped open and spread all over the kitchen … can you really be sure the cat didn’t do that?
I don’t like it when you go away, but if you leave the curtains open, I’ll sit on the couch all day watching and waiting for you, then I’ll act like I haven’t seen you in days. When you go, how about putting the treats down on the floor, I could watch them and protect them from the cat. This would be a good exercise in mutual trust.
I am really sorry about the slipper, oh yeah, the leg on the chair, too, but sometimes a dog’s gotta chew what a dog’s gotta chew. Also, that missing black glove … it’s under your bed.
I know you don’t like it when I bark but please understand I can hear things you don’t and everybody knows it is better to scare off a threat than to have to face it. You would be best to let me handle the strangers from now on.
Sometimes I think you are magic. You can turn on the TV machine from your chair, make the light go on or off, make a tennis ball appear from under your coat and with a flick of your wrist untangle our leash from around a tree after I spent an hour trying, WOW!
You know we need each other. I see it in your eyes when you pet me, you see it when you’re feeling bad and I put my head on your chest because that makes me feel bad, too.
Thanks for being my best friend and I will never purposely do anything to make you mad at me.