A Look At 2015
By Christy Rasmussen-Ford
It’s officially time to release my extremely famous yearly predictions. By extremely famous, I mean that none of you even remember that I did them last year, do you? Regardless, after concentrating long and hard on my powerful Magic 8 ball, I can tell you with a solid 3-percent certainty that the following things may or may not happen in 2015;
Sometime very early in the year, it will be revealed that Mick Dodge is Edward Cullen in hiding. Mick (Edward) just wanted to be alone to do some soul searching after discovering that he was NOT the father of Bella’s baby. Jeff Burnside from KOMO News will break the story and it will be titled “Sanctuary of Sorrows on the Hoh.” No facts will be used, but dramatic music will be abundant.
In February, the radio station will move its headquarters to Neah Bay. The sports broadcasting schedule will not be affected by this move at all.
In April, after much political success in Forks, Bryon Monohon will announce his intentions to run for president. Sadly, his hopes will be dashed when a rumor surfaces that he IS the father of Bella’s baby. Monohon’s good name eventually will be cleared on “The Maury Show.” Unfortunately for him, it will be too little, too late. Kim Kardashian will win the election by a backside, I mean by a landslide.
Around June or so, Ron’s Shell Station temporarily will run out of mini-tacos. This will result in the entire community rioting and protesting all over town. OK, I will probably be the only one making a scene.
Late in summer, the city council will vote on an official Forks theme. This way, future buildings can be designed without anyone saying, “That building doesn’t fit our theme!” Weirdly enough, the council will choose Disney’s movie, “Frozen” as the theme. Everyone (other than 6 year old girls) will hate this idea, but the council will remain steadfast in its decision. Let it go …
The kids will return to school in September to learn that there is a pre-elementary school, a mid-elementary school, an almost-middle school, a middle-middle school, a right-before-senior-high school and a senior high school. The good news is that the drop-off lines will be much shorter at each school. The bad news is that a lot of parents will still use these drop-off lines incorrectly.
In the last few weeks of 2015, after realizing that only 3.5 people in the whole area support the idea, the Navy will publicly declare that they are going to cancel their electronic warfare plans. In a statement (posted only at the post office), the Navy will proclaim that they are going with the will of the people that live here. Ha ha, just kidding about that one.
All in all, it will be a very good year for all of us. Happy New Year!
For questions, comments, or psychic readings, please send credit card information to Christyrasmussen@yahoo.com.