My job prospects in Seattle

  • Thu Apr 21st, 2016 10:36pm
  • Life

Like many of you, the lure of the city life sometimes tries to serenade me back. Unfortunately, (or fortunately?) I love my job and question whether or not I could find such a great job elsewhere. However, a recent weekend in Seattle showed me that gaining employment would not be a problem.

The job offers started rolling in as soon as I arrived. I stepped outside my hotel on Friday night to call my husband. A very lovely, classy and highly intoxicated passenger who was hanging out the window of the car she was riding in, yelled to me, “Hey baby! You working?”

My outfit at the time undoubtedly led to this exciting job offer. I was wearing mom jeans, plain flip flops, a sweatshirt, hair in a ponytail, with very little makeup on. It was pretty obvious that I was unintentionally screaming to the world in every way that I was trying to get a job in that specific field. The only thing that could have made my appearance more corner-working-ish would have been if I was wearing sweatpants that were three sizes too big.

The next morning, I did wear such sweatpants outside … not to increase my corner game though. Having just woken up, I went outside to make some more calls while enjoying a nice cup of coffee. The hotel didn’t have any benches to sit on so I just sat down on the sidewalk and leaned up against the building. As I chatted and caffeinated myself, I started to notice scoffs, pffts, pshhhs and other cliché passive aggressive sounds that people make to show their disgust without being original in the least.

Side note: Please get a little more creative with your passive aggressiveness if you want to be taken seriously.

Anyway, I looked down at myself and realized that I looked like I was working at what is perhaps the world’s second oldest profession — begging. No one offered me anything, which was OK because I wasn’t actually begging, but breakfast would have been nice. I instantly regretted bringing out my cellphone. Without it, I would have been much more successful in this second job attempt.

It was just as well that no one brought me any food though. I am currently on a very strict diet and would have seemed very ungrateful when I said something like, “Actually, I can’t eat anything with sugar or carbs. Is there any chance you can go back and trade this for an egg scramble, no potatoes or fruit unless they have a couple of strawberries to throw in, with bacon and extra avocados?”

All in all, I left Seattle thinking that I probably should stay in Forks for the time being. That being said, I am comforted in the fact that I can be employed quickly if I choose to move there. I’m not sure that I will make any money at all in either career with all things considered, but a job is a job I guess.

For questions, comments or more tips on what NOT to wear in downtown Seattle, please email me at [email protected]