Back when I was a kid, I really hated when old people started sentences with “Back when I was a kid.” Now that I’m old, I start at least 66.67 percent of my sentences with this phrase and I don’t care what you young whippersnappers think. Get over it. And get off my lawn, too.

Also back when I was a kid, schoolwork was not complicated … especially not in the first grade. When learning shapes, little Suzy First Grader might have been shown a shape and then asked if it was a triangle or not. Suzy First Grader would have answered yes or no and the class would have moved along to a lovely snack of paste and macaroni necklaces.

Those days are gone. Macaroni necklaces are no longer made (or eaten) and everything is so unsimple. Unsimple is not a word in case you were wondering.

It should be though because it is the only word to describe today’s education system. It is not enough to know your shapes in first grade. Now, you have to know HOW you know the shapes are the shapes that you think they are. Sound complicated? It is.

You may think I am exaggerating this complicatedness, but I am not. The following questions were on my first-grader’s homework: “Part 1, is this a triangle? Part 2, how do you know this is/isn’t a triangle?”

My daughter (being my daughter) gave the following answer, “I know it is not a triangle because it is not a triangle.” My immediate reaction; “She totally nailed that one!” Sadly, her answer was much too simple. First grade is not the time for simpletons.

This question was looking for something a little more philosophical. The correct answer would have been more like, “Well, according to my calculations (and I think Einstein would agree here), the theory of relativity is strong with 3.14 equaling apple pie and the diameter of the triangular equation equaling the plane of the x-axis intersection with the y-axis. Working backwards to prove my work, anti-gravity mass is the direct cause of Newton’s Law, which proves that Murphy’s Law is always the opposite of a triangle.”

Before you think I’m making a mockery my daughter’s schoolwork, rest assured that I kind of am. However, it is also important to note that I fully admit that my daughter knows 3.2 million more things than I did when I was her age. Actually, she probably knows 3.2 million more things than I do currently. She has most likely already outsmarted me. It’s totally fine.

The truth is that my daughter is learning a lot from this confusing, weird, new-fangled, education system. So maybe … this new education system … is kind of … OK. But I refuse to say that on record. Wait, is this “on record”?

If you need a math tutor, e-mail me at christyrasmussen@yahoo.com. I’m very good at math, especially the higher levels. Obviously.