You People

I despise the rain and I’m not afraid to admit (whine about) that. I do sun dances daily, but clearly they aren’t working.


I think this may be due to the fact that my dancing skills are almost the sole reason for the cliché saying about white girls and dancing. Picture Elaine from Seinfeld. I’m that bad. If you have no idea what that means, YouTube it!

As a result of my rain despisery, I have heard, “You live in the wrong area!” more times than I’ve heard, “When do deer turn into elk?” … which I hear surprisingly often. Or maybe that isn’t surprising to anyone who has spent much time in public.

So why do I live in a place that rains every … single … depressing … day of the year? Well, because you people make this a great place to live … and that may be the rare sentence where “You people” is considered a compliment.

I’m fairly certain that no one is going to email me and ask, “What do you mean by “You people?” However, just in case someone does feel the need to ask, here is what (who?) I mean by “You people”:

My family and friends (obviously), anyone who has ever helped us (obviously), Shana and Carmen from Thrifty (actually, everyone there is really nice), Tona from the gas station (I adore her!), every employee at my bank, John who fixes my never-ending car problems, Christi for printing my nonsense, the pharmacy owners/employees, the PUD people who never seem to judge me for paying my bill late every month, Rick Bart who should have my job because he’s hilarious, my fabulous neighbors, all the hardworking and friendly nurses at the hospital, my daughter’s former bus driver who never yelled at me that one time (okay, those three times) that I forgot it was early release day, and Mick Dodge — who was technically mentioned in the first group but who never shows up to Thanksgiving dinner.

There are 3,000 other great people who I apologize in advance for forgetting to mention. In my defense ,I have been awake, very much against my will, since 5 a.m. Why? Because my 3-year-old woke up crying about how daddy forgot to get her some milk. The night before, he tried the old parenting trick of “Okay, I’ll get you some in a minute!”

Admittedly, I have used this trick, but it has never blown up in anyone’s face at 5 a.m. I hate being awake at 5 a.m., maybe even more than I hate the rain. Maybe.

Lastly, just for future knowledge, I plan to use most of this in my acceptance speech if I ever get voted Forks Citizen of the Year … if we even have that here. If we don’t, we should. After my speech, we shall have a party where all the talented dancers of the community do a sun dance. I’ll sit it out. You’ll thank me.

Before contacting me to say that despisery is not a real word, you should read more of my columns, but for other comments or questions, you can email me at [email protected]