Alternative Tourism = Geriatric gastropods?


Last week, there was an announcement that money is available for projects that promote tourism. I think this is the wrong time to announce this. At the end of August, there isn’t a single Forks resident thinking, “What we really need are MORE tourists on the road right now!” Thankfully, once November hits, our wounds from tourist season usually are heale.

After reading the announcement, I immediately knew that I wanted to be a part of this tourism promotion plan. I didn’t want to be directly involved, as in doing any real work, but more just as an idea giver-outter. To get the ideas flowing, I said to myself, “Christy, what would bring people to Forks?” Three days later, I still had nothing.

I’m kidding. There are many things that bring people to Forks, but I think we need something new. We need an idea so unique that tourists will be flocking here by the millions, hopefully via helicopter so they aren’t on our roads though. I came up with the following ideas that someone could run with:

• Gas Station Food Festival. We have the best gas station food ever. We could go far marketing that stuff. As a note though, we need to claim that all the food is made with non-GMO ingredients and also that it is all fat free, sugar free, gluten free, dairy free, peanut free and 100 percent organic. This sounds impossible but as long as we have non-readable fine print on the bottom that says, “Just Kidding,” we should be covered.

• World’s Oldest Living Slug. Tourists are into that kind of thing. Since World’s Largest Ball of String and World’s Biggest Lougie already are taken, we have to go with slugs. It doesn’t matter if we don’t ACTUALLY have the World’s Oldest Living Slug. No one can even tell the gender of slugs (including slugs themselves), let alone their age. The Visitors Center employees will just need to grab a random slimy little guy out back before they open and claim he (or she) is 1,000 years old.

• Home of a Famous Person. The hometowns of celebrities are visited often because non-celebrities are kind of creepers. If we had a famous person from Forks, we would get a lot of new tourists. If anyone wants to coordinate this one, I will donate my time to be the famous person. After all, I’m already trying to be a successful writer. If each and every one of you send my articles to 10,000 of your closest friends, I think we can make this one happen easily.

These were just a few examples. I have more great ideas if anyone is serious about Operation: More Tourists in Forks. I’m well aware that I won’t be receiving any calls until at least November though. It’s been a tough summer for all of us.

For questions or comments, e-mail me at [email protected] or stop by the Gas Station Food Festival. I will be there for the entire duration.