Pants required

I say that I have a day job, but technically speaking, I work at night. I would say “night job” but that sounds

I say that I have a day job, but technically speaking, I work at night. I would say “night job” but that sounds stripperish. For this reason, I just call it my day job. I love everything about the job with the exception of the dress code.


They require pants. Weird, I know, but I usually have no problems following it. Sometimes though, putting on pants is more than I want to accomplish in a day. On those kinds of days, I desperately do not want to go to work.


A few weeks ago, I had an anti-pants kind of day. Actually, it was really more of an anti-get out of bed kind of day … and it would have worked too if it weren’t for those meddling kids. Alas, they needed to be fed and I was scheduled to work later. So I dragged myself out of bed and began mentally preparing for what the day would bring; pants. Hours passed and the mental preparation wasn’t doing much. I still had no ambition.

At this point, a normal person would have just called off work, but I’m not a good caller-offer. Instead, I just hoped for a miracle. I thought to myself, “Please, let there be a tsunami warning or something today.” Dramatic? Maybe. Desperate? Clearly.

At “leaving-for-work o’clock”, I reluctantly headed out the door, still hopeful that maybe something would come up. Sadly, I soon found myself in the parking lot with no other option but to clock in. I checked my phone one last time before leaving it in my car … because I don’t bring my phone into work … because that would be breaking the rules.

Right before putting my phone down, I saw a news story about an earthquake. An earthquake … as in, a tsunami causer! I froze. “Oh no!” I thought. “What have I done?!” I was just being a drama queen. I never had intentions of actually causing a natural disaster. I take it back. I take it all back!

But then I realized, maybe this is a good thing? With my newly acquired God-like abilities, I started experimenting. “Let the sun shine!” … and yes, I sang it. This command wasn’t as successful as the tsunami command. It continued raining. Perhaps God himself can’t even stop it from raining in Forks? I decided to try something smaller. “Let me win the lottery with the ticket that I never purchased!” I looked around my car. No lottery ticket. As God, I was merely a one-hit wonder.

The good news is that a tsunami never came to be. The bad news is that my job still requires pants. If I had a “Night Job” *wink-wink*, this wouldn’t be a problem. Pants are not required at those kind of places. Though, dance moves are required and I have none. I guess I probably should just keep my day job.

To have a tsunami created (no questions asked), please e-mail me at