The Ban on Fun

The NFL missed their chance with these tree!

I don’t like to brag about it, but back in high school, I was quite the football star at FHS. I lettered all four years in the Homecoming powder puff game. OK, no one gets a letter for playing in that game, but if they did, I would have gotten one easily. I was the real deal with the mascara line thingies under my eyes and everything!

I wasn’t really good at throwing or catching or tackling or blocking or intercepting or running, but I was the best darn football-hander-backer that any quarterback ever had. Just the fact that I know the technical term for that position speaks volumes. I handed the ball back every single time … and then jumped out of the way because I’m the cliché-est cliché girl.

Seriously though, I loved playing in the powder puff game during Homecoming week. I had so many good memories that I was even tempted to keep the No. 38 jersey that I wore every year (thanks Billy). However, we were warned many times that stolen (I prefer the term “unreturned”) jerseys would result in diplomas being withheld. For this reason, there is absolutely not an “unreturned” No. 38 Spartan jersey in my hope chest … right now … next to my FHS diploma.

Due to the great time that I had playing in that game, it makes me immensely sad that the high school girls don’t get to do it anymore. Like most things, it seems that the actions of a few ruined it for everyone. When I first realized it was not part of Homecoming week anymore, I did some official investigating on the subject; I asked my Facebook friends.

The general consensus among my all-knowing friends during my investigation was that the game was cancelled a few years ago due to safety concerns. Apparently, some girls were hitting really hard and getting aggressive so the whole event was called off forever. In other words, the football game was banned because some of the players were playing football. Silly girls.

It seems to me that kids these days get more and more things taken away. Merry-go-rounds, dunk tanks, dodge ball and now the powder puff have all been taken away since I was a kid. There even is talk of tag being eliminated for safety reasons. Whether or not these things are being justifiably taken away is a subject for a real writer who researches for real and who uses actual facts and statistics and stuff.

As for me (the non-fact user), I’m just going to say that it doesn’t seem like being a kid is any fun anymore. I worry about the boring future for my kids. What’s next? Organizing recess into structured forced games and eliminating all free play?

For questions or comments that will undoubtedly start with, “Actually, injuries are down since we stopped kids from having any fun at all,” please e-mail me at [email protected]