I knew that this gravy train couldn’t go on forever though. If I wanted to continue avoiding the actual making of the gravy, I would need to find someone else who was talented at cooking and spoiling me. I searched far and wide for this special person and finally found him in Pittsburgh. My gravy train rolled on and I continued to have no part in cooking on Thanksgiving.

Then, to my absolute disgust, a few years ago my husband mentioned something along the lines of me learning how to cook a turkey. It was very hurtful, but I assumed that he meant well and forgave him. At that point though, I knew that I needed to get creative in my turkey dinner avoidance.

First, I played the pregnancy card. As my daughter was due to arrive three weeks after Thanksgiving, it was completely believable that I would be too tired, too sore, too miserable and too huge to cook. Never mind the fact that I was still waitressing every day with no problems.

The next year, I was pregnant again, but we hadn’t told anyone in the family yet (and hosted them all at our house). The pregnancy card couldn’t be used. I decided to go in another direction and worked late the night before. “Honey, I can’t get up early and cook with you after working so late. I might have a seizure.”

Now, a word on the subject of the seizure card; I have never and will never fake seizures or incorrectly use them as an excuse. I feel that doing so is just asking for very bad ju-ju. That being said, if the risk of having a seizure is real, I will milk that cow if need be. There has to be some benefit to having the disorder.

Anyway, the late night shift avoidance technique worked so well that I intended on using it again this year. Unfortunately, I ended up being out of work due to an injury. I adjusted my plan accordingly and told my husband, “Looks like I’ll be on crutches this year. I’m sorry that I can’t help!”

And I would’ve gotten away with it too … if it weren’t for that meddling doctor. He put my broken foot into a broken foot boot thingy … which allowed me to walk a little. I had a good run, but after 30 years of avoiding it, I finally had to cook dinner this year.

As it turns out, it is easier than I thought … catching the oven on fire I mean. Yes, I accidentally (seriously!) caught the oven on fire, filled the entire house with smoke, and almost ruined the whole meal. The good news is that I unintentionally received a lifetime ban on cooking for Turkey Day.

For questions, comments, or more tips on (avoiding) cooking on Thanksgiving, e-mail me at christyrasmussen@yahoo.com.